


Stories From Our Lives

by QiaolianMM



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drabbles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Forehead Kisses, Love Confessions, Major character death - Freeform, Nigthmares, Some fluff maybe, Tumblr Prompts, bed sharing, two idiots in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 13:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11163192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QiaolianMM/pseuds/QiaolianMM
Summary: Collection of (mostly) unrelated Philinda drabbles.





	1. I Love The Way You Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow, I got into writing again. So here we are. I don't really have a schedule, I write depending on how many prompts and ideas I have. Comments and kudos are always appreciated, but I know most of you forget. 
> 
> Open for prompts!

_Her smile is one of those that has the power to light up the entire room and to make whatever is weighing on his mind to completely evaporate, if only just for a second._

_He tells a bad joke, and she responds by snorting and rolling her eyes fondly at him. Whilst she's busy teasing him about his bad humor, he can't help but feel like the luckiest guy alive - he gets to spend the night with her, to make her laugh and to kiss her. He's pretty sure he's never been happier._

_Having her here in bed with him, alive, happy and safe, gives him a sense of peace and security and peace he can't find anywhere else. Her presence is a much needed light in his otherwise dark life, and he's blessed to have her in it._

_She props herself up on an elbow before leaning down to steal a kiss from him, somehow making him feel even lighter. Then she lowers her head so that their foreheads touch, making them breathe the same air._

_"I love you," she says quietly, and the words make his heart skip a beat._

_"And I-"_

The words are at the tip of his tongue when he wakes up, and the happiness morphs into a familiar ache. He was alone, and he has no right to dream of her being in love with him after everything he'd put her through, but he couldn't help it.

He hugs his pillow, but it does little for the pain. It's not the first time she'd been in his dreams - she always plays a big part in them. Sometimes she's his wife. Other times she's in been in the Framework for too long, and he can't wake her up. Those are the worst ones. And then there's the times where they're intimate, which however nice they are, always leaves him feeling guilty.

Space is lonely. Sure, his co-inhabitants are nice and outgoing, and he's somewhat certain that the woman sleeping in the room three doors away fancied him, but she's not May.

Not a day passes where he doesn't worry and wonder about her. He's relatively safe here in space, but the life she was leading was a dangerous one. One wrong movement, and she'd bleed out alone on the floor of an enemy's base.

There were rumblings about wars and aliens and The Avengers and catastrophes on Earth, but they were only rumors. He  _hoped_  they were only rumors. His attempts at getting more concrete information on the team or major world events always resulted in nothing, despite his hard work.

His grip on the pillow tightened as he started thinking about every possible thing that could've happened to May and the team in the months he'd been locked up in space. He wouldn't survive it if there was nobody there for him to return to.

Thinking about the possibility, he couldn't help but wish he'd told May that he loved him when he still had the chance. Because as of right now, he didn't know if he'll ever have the opportunity again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote half of this in 32 degrees (C) waiting for my lunch at a cafe. Forgive my writing.


	2. Things You Said When I Was Crying

Despite saying they would take a step back, they were sharing a bed. Neither of them felt much like being alone after everything that had happened.

It started quietly, with only a few tears running down her cheek.

It wasn’t the first time Melinda had a nightmare. Even as a child, they would plague her. But they still woke her up.

When the tears didn’t stop, she turned away from him. His hand was still draped around her waist, and she drew some comfort from the touch.

She doesn’t know what woke him up.

“May?”

She steadied her breath. “What?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

She couldn’t see his face, but she knew he didn’t believe her. He never did. She felt him shift a bit closer, and he released his grip around her waist.

“It’s okay to not be okay, you know,” he said, “I’m here for you. I _want_ to be there for you.”

When she didn’t say anything, he sighed. “Can you at least turn around?”

She hesitated for a moment, but turned her head and let her eyes fall to the SHIELD logo on his shirt.

“I know you don’t like to talk, so I won’t push you,” he said, “but I need you to know that you’re not alone, May.”

 _Not alone._ She’d been alone at Radcliffe’s, when he copied her brain and locked her up in a closet. She’d been alone in the Framework, after Bahrain and Hydra’s rise. She’d been alone for a long time.

Another tear fell down onto the bed sheets. And then another one. And then one more. Her breathing quickened again, and she tried _so hard_ to keep back the sob that eventually escaped through her lips.

When she didn’t object, he pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his shirt as he softly planted a kiss at the top of her head.

“I’m sorry, Melinda,” he whispered, “I let you down. I should’ve found you earlier. You deserve better.” He hugged her a bit tighter, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She was mad at the world. At Radcliffe. At herself. Maybe a bit at him, too. But mostly at the world.

She felt him burry his nose into her hair and take a shaky breath, before he placed another kiss on the top of her head.

“We should take a few days off,” he pulled away to look at her face, “we can go wherever you want. Just the two of us.”

Her lips twitched. “That would be nice.”

“Yeah?” He smiled at her.

“Yeah.”

She closed her eyes, and sighed. The past few minutes had drained her for the little energy she’d had.

He moved his hand down to her waist again. “You know you’re not alone, right?”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Open to prompts.


	3. Things You Said When You Thought I Was Asleep

Phil woke up to her tracing the scar on his chest. She hadn’t noticed him waking up, and for the past minute he’d listened to her whispers. By the sound of it, she’d had a nightmare.

“I need you to be safe, Phil,” she says it so quietly that he almost missed it, “I can’t lose you again.”

After that, she falls silent. She settles closer against him, and lets her hand rest on his chest. For a while, he thinks she’d fallen asleep again, but then she starts tracing his scar again.

“I can’t lose you again, either,” he says after a minute, and opens his eyes to look at her.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” she murmurs.

“Nightmare?” She nods. “Want to talk about it?”

“Just don’t die,” she says. 

He places a kiss on the top of her head. It’s not a promise he can make, and she knows that. The possibility of one of them waking up without the other one day is very real. And it scares him, too - losing her would kill him.

“I’ll try,” he eventually says. It’s the best he can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Open to prompts.


	4. Things You Said That Made Me Feel Like Shit

They're sitting next to each other on the floor in what he assumed was a cell. He had no idea where, but wherever they were, they were alone, and for the past five minutes, they'd been indulged in a comfortable silence.

"I kissed her. Robot you." He doesn't know why he decided to break the silence, but he supposes it was the guilt.

When he'd realized she was gone, he had been  _terrified_. He had no idea how long she'd been gone, where she was and what Radcliffe had done to her. He hadn't even know if she was alive.

But mixed with the fear was the guilt. And the guilt had felt so crushing that he'd been afraid he was going to fall apart.

When he found her, he'd been so happy and relieved because she was alive. However, the guilt still lingered in the back of his mind.

"I'm sorry," he swallows, and suddenly the white room feels a lot smaller, "I thought she was you."

He realizes that was probably not the smartest thing to say, because she clenches her fists hard enough for her knuckles to turn white.

"Say something." He's unable to meet her eyes, and he gets more uneasy as the seconds pass by.

"Did you like her better than me?" She finally says.

"Of course not." He couldn't imagine prefering the android over her in any universe.

"We've known each other for almost thirty years, and you kissed me when I wasn't me."

Out of everything he thought she would say, that hadn't crossed his mind. Another wave of guilt washes over him.

He doesn't know what to say, so he closes his eyes for a while, trying to think of something.  _I've always wanted to kiss you. I only kissed her because she wanted to. I'm in love with you. You mean everyghing to me. I'm sorry. Everything seems like the wrong thing to say._

When he opens his eyes again, she' staring at him impatiently.

"I know I should've been able to tell that she wasn't you."

He takes a deep breath to stop his voice from breaking.

"I was distracted. Radcliffe programmed her to be in love with me, and it distracted me because I'm in love with you, and I'm  _so sorry_  that you had to suffer because of that. You're supposed to be able to trust me, but I keep letting you down, and I'm sorry."

By the time he's finished, a few tears had made their way down his cheek. The guilt was killing him. He'd caused her pain. The only thing he wants is to keep her safe, but he keeps failing her.

Her expression softens, and she places her previously clenched hand on top of his real one.

"How did you know she wasn't me?" Her tone is warmer now, and he's grateful.

"She pulled a gun at me. About thirty seconds after I kissed her." He scoffs, and wonders if the universe is conspiring against his happiness.

"Auch," she says.

"I know."

They fall silent for a few minutes, then she takes a deep breath. "You said you were in love with me."

He bites his lower lip. So she'd heard that. "I did."

"Did you mean it?"

She deserves to know, so he nods.

"Good," she says, "because I'm in love with you too."

Suddenly, the guilt feels a lot more tolerable.


	5. Things You Said I Wish You Hadn't

He’s drunk. _Very drunk._ Drunk enough that a stranger at the bar calls her and tells her she should pick him up.

So she does.

She gathers his things, and helps him into the back seat of the car. He falls asleep the moment she starts driving. Fifteen minutes later, they arrive at her apartment.

“Coulson,” she nudges him a few times until he wakes up. “Come on, lets get you to bed.”

She helps him up three flights of stairs (the elevator was broken), and she unlocks apartment 308.

“You’re pretty,” She can barely make out what he’s saying. “You’ll be a pretty bride.”

They stumble into his bedroom, and he crashes down onto his bed, dragging her down with him.

“Andrew’s a lucky guy,” he says, “very lucky.”

“Go to sleep, Coulson.”

“Will you stay?”

“You know I can’t.” She says, and rolls out of his bed.

He falls quiet, so she thinks he’s asleep. She takes off his shoes, and she’s just about to leave the room when she hears him shift.

“I love you.”

Melinda freezes in the doorway. _No, no, no._ She was eloping with Andrew in less than a week.

She’s about to tell him that when she hears him say _I love you, mom_ and she realizes he’s sleeptalking.

She pretends she didn’t feel a sting of disappointment mixed with the relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Open to prompts.


	6. Things You Said on the Phone (Part One of Phone Fic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Major character death. Not a happy ending.

It was funny, in a way. She’d survived being put in a virtual hell, a sinking oil rig and AIDA’s mental breakdown. After all that, she’d almost thought she was invincible.

Almost.

Now, she was bleeding out in the first floor of an abandoned school after a shootout with one of Ivanov’s minions.

There wasn’t anything she could do. She was alone here. Mack and Fitz were the closest, at a motel 30 miles south. The nearest hospital was 15 minutes away, and by her estimate, she only had three.

So, she did the only thing she could do. She picked up her phone, and hit number one on speed dial. It didn’t even ring once before he picked up.

“Hi.” Phil sounded happy. She smiled a bit at that.

“Hi,” she tried to keep her voice steady. There was no reason to alarm him. There wasn’t anything he could do.

“How’s it going?”

“Fitz and Mack are still searching through the motel. I’m following one of Ivanov’s men.”

She glanced at the body at the opposite side of the room. At least she’d been able to take him down with her.

The tiredness was overwhelming. She shifted to a more comfortable position; curled up against the wall, and with her right hand clutching the bullet wound in her stomach. Hopefully it bought her some extra seconds.

Phil said something, but she wasn’t focused enough to hear what. She replied with _yes_ , and it seemed like it was the right answer.

“Stay safe, okay? We still have that bottle of Haig to open when you come back.”

The Haig. He’d have to open it without her – again. She would’ve laughed if it wasn’t so tragic. The universe really didn’t want her to taste that Haig.

She closed her eyes, momentarily giving in to the tiredness, before forcing them open again. She didn’t have much time.

“You mean a lot to me,” she said quietly.

“May?“ His tone changed. "Are you okay?”

“A lot.” God, she was tired. She put the phone on speaker, and laid it down next to her.

“Where are you? Are you hurt?”

“I’m sorry,” she hadn’t meant to worry him. She only wanted to hear his voice.

“Melinda, you’re starting to scare me.” _Melinda_. He rarely used her first name. She wished he’d done that more. It sounded so nice when he said that.

She wanted to tell him. She _should_ tell him. He needed to know.

“I love you, Phil. And I’m sorry. I - goodbye.”

“No, Melinda, stay on the phone. I-I love you too. Just stay on the phone, okay? Listen to my voice.”

In the background, she heard him shout for Daisy, telling her to track her phone and send an ambulance.

“Melinda, can you hear me? You’re going to be okay. Everything will be alright.”

She wanted to say something, but she was tired. So incredibly tired. Her grip around her stomach loosened, and she barely noticed that her eyes fell shut.

“Melinda? Say something. Please.”

She wished she could.


	7. Cross My Heart and Hope to Die (Part Two of Phone Fic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a part two to the fic "Things You Said on The Phone."
> 
> Warning: not a happy ending.

 

"Melinda?"

He'd cried over her body. He'd held a speech at her funeral, talking about their memories, what a hero she'd been and his feelings for her. She'd been shot in the stomach, and bled out in the dark, and instead of calling for help, she'd called him.

She'd told him that she loved him, and he'd returned her words. But she'd died before help arrived, and him confessing his love were among the last things she ever heard.

 _She was dead._ Yet, she was there, unharmed and alive - wearing the same leather jacket she'd worn that fateful day a year and a half ago, looking even more beautiful than he remembered.

"Hi, Phil."

There were so many things he wanted to tell her, and so many things he wanted to do with her. He wanted to hug her until the sun rose, tell her she was the most important person in her life, and name every thing he loved about her - even if it would take him all night.

But this wasn't real, and he knew that. Death was final, except for him. He'd tried to bring her back, but Jemma had stopped him by telling him how unethical it was, how impossible it was, and that it wasn't what May would've wanted. And she was right.

Five days ago, it was thirty years since they'd met. He'd spent the day going through an album he'd started working on six years ago for this exact occasion. Too bad she never got the chance to see it. He'd wanted to surprise her with it, maybe make her laugh and tease him about his sentimentality. Instead, he'd sat alone in his bunk (which used to be hers), drunk and alone.

Daisy had taken him to her grave when she realized what day it was. She'd helped him pick out the roses, and done her best to cheer him up, even managing to make him laugh twice.

"What are you?" He asked. She could be an Inhuman who could take different forms, or a stray LMD. Or maybe he was just hallucinating her again from the lack of sleep following their anniversary.

"It's me. May."

"You're dead." It had taken him a while to accept the fact that he'd never get to talk to her again. Or to touch her again. Or to make her smile again.

She smiled sympathetically at him. "I know."

"You  _left_  me," he hadn't meant to raise his voice. He knew it wasn't her fault. He shouldn't be mad at her, and he wasn't. He was mad at the universe for taking everything from him.

"I didn't want to."

"You should've called for help. You'd still be alive," he said, more quietly. He'd spent nights awake thinking about how things would've turned out if he realized she was hurt when he picked up the phone.

"I wouldn't. The closest ambulance was five minutes away.

She closed the distance between them, and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.

"Do you know how long it's taken me to-" he let the unspoken hang in the air. To move on. He still hadn't, he supposed.

She nodded. "I know."

"I loved you. I still love you."

"We've always had terrible timining, haven't we?" She joked, and it earned her a watery laugh.

"Why are you here?"

Her eyes flickered down to his feet, and he tilted his head down. A pressure plate.

"You'll trigger an explosion, and the roof will cave in. Daisy is going to find you in three hours."

His stomach clenched as he remembered her begging May to come back. She'd been a wreck after her death, and he'd forced her to see one of Shield's therapists.

It had taken her a long time to crack a smile again, but she was better now, and the two of them had grown much closer.   
She'd shyly confessed a few months after her death how he and May had been her parental figures the past few years. And he didn't know if she'd handle him being gone, too.

"Does anyone else die?"

"Fitz will breake his arm and have a nasty concussion, but he'll live."

He lets out a relieved sigh. At least he didn't cause the death of anyone else. "What happens after?"

"You'll have to wait and see."

Fair enough. Hopefully it wasn't some sort of hell, but he didn't think anything would top the pain he'd felt over her dying.

"Will you be there?" If she was there, he didn't mind where he ended up.

"Yes."

He smiled then, momentarily forgetting not to move. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Meanwhile, at the other side of the building, Daisy heard an explosion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was partly inspired by a Sanvers drabble I read a while ago.


End file.
